|
Written by Sameerah
|
|
Friday, 16 November 2012 06:52 |
I have decided that the only thing Vile about this film is that someone actually paid money to bring this shit into existence.That’s right kids I suffer so that you won’t have to. You’re welcome. Vile is another of these direct to DVD Saw torture porn rip-offs that have fallen into favor over the past few years. But where as the Saw franchise honors the long held horror tradition of starting off strong and get progressively worse over the years “Vile” starts shitty and stays shitty throughout.
Vile starts as these things so often do with a bunch of conventionally attractive kids in the woods being trapped in an evil torture conspiracy. Sadly the evil mastermind in this films isn’t some charming freak who uses a eerily cute puppet as a doppelganger; this time our baddie is some broad with bad teeth doing the bidding of a twisted drug company. In theory the evil corporation should be the hook. It isn’t too big of a leap to think that our corporate overlords have come up with some sort of insidious plot to use the masses as guinea pigs because the price of lab rats has started to cut into their bottom line. But alas this movie fails to do anything with the one plot the device that could make this film interesting. Their attempts at fleshing out the details of the end game is clumsy at best. And by the time they get to the big reveal you’ve already quit caring about who is trying to kill these people or why. You just really need them to all be dead. All I got out of the actors stammering is that there is a drug company the needs the chemicals the brain produces when you’re in pain for something that I quit giving two shits about 30 minutes into the movie. Again interesting, but poorly done. Now I don't care.
Once the thing that was supposed to be the plot out of the way I figured things couldn’t get any worse and I would be treated to 1001 new ways to cause human suffering. But once again Vile proves to be a steaming pile of disappointment. They may as well change the name of this film from Vile to “extreme cooking accidents”. All of the torture in this movie involve cooking accidents. 45 minutes of people sticking their hands in boiling water, stove burns and cheese graters.. All things that are painful, sure, but nothing that anyone with a kitchen hasn’t already experienced at least once. I got a bit of a thrill when the resident bitch got her teeth knocked out. Not because punishment was awful but because anyone who is that bad at acting deserves to get their fucking teeth knocked out.
When all is said and done I can’t really say anything good about Vile. There aren’t any good kills or innovative tortures to keep the gore hounds happy. The story isn’t good enough to make anyone happy. And the acting is so bad that everyone involved should be killed. The only people who will be tortured by Vile are those of us who wasted an hour of our lives watching this shit. |
|
Last Updated ( Friday, 16 November 2012 06:53 )
|
|
|
Written by Sameerah
|
|
Friday, 30 March 2012 04:35 |
|
Covenant Modern Ruin Metropolis 4.5
Oh sweet hot buttered baby Jesus! I love this album! “Modern Ruin” is old skool electro goth that makes you want to put on your best black, 2 tons of eye make-up and bust out your shadow moves. I won’t lie and say that Covenant has recorded a ground breaking album, because they haven’t. But it is so good to hear an electro goth band that knows their shit and does it well without all of the shock jock tricks and gimmicks.
I fell in love with “Judge of My Domain” from the moment I heard it. It’s an uptempo track with a sick bass line that made me want to find a dance floor to destroy. Lyrically it does smack of Mindless Self Indulgence as the song dares you to challenge Covenant and their ownership of all that they survey. But those low, smooth vox are all Covenant. Eskil Simonsson has a voice that is rich and decadent like red velvet cake. The dance party keeps going with “Dynamo Clock”. I want to complain about the move 90s rave feel to this track so I don’t sound like I’m sucking on the cock of nostalgia here, but if you can make me dance while talking about the end of life as we know and exploding hearts then I say well played sir.
Covenant takes a wee break from the electro goth dance party with the gospel infused sounds of church organs on “Kairos” but that doesn’t take anything from the over all awesome of “Modern Ruin”. It adds richness and texture to an album that doesn’t reinvent the wheel, but is still really fucking good. |
|
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 30 November -1 01:00 )
|
|
Abnormal Thought Patterns |
 |
 |
 |
|
Written by Sameerah
|
|
Tuesday, 27 March 2012 03:29 |
|
Abnormal Thought Patterns Abnormal Thought Patterns CyNormal Lab Recordings 3.0
After listening to Abnormal Thought Patterns self titled debut I have begun to wonder if it is possible for a band to be too progressive. As a general rule I adore bands that have a more progressive feel to them. I love the way they challenge what we think Metal is supposed to sound. Their experimental riffs, weird samples, jazzy beats to create sounds that you can’t put a name to because it’s something that no one else has ever done. When I hear that a new progressive Metal band is going to be making its way to my ear holes I get happy knowing that I am going to be taken on a new and exciting musical ride. But alas Abnormal Thought Patterns lost me is a sea of sounds that were so bland that I couldn’t tell where one song ended and the next one bagan.
With their debut album it seems that Abnormal Thought Patterns did some serious over thinking when they put this album together, so much so that all of the joy and spontaneity that I expect to find in a progressive band has been sucked away for something that shows dazzling technical skill, but is as soulless the grave. They start out strong with “The Machine Within”. The hazy dream sequence riffs of this track perked up my ears, promising me a soundscape of wonder and enchantment and leaving me with something more like a dull acid trip. The entire album is hinged on 3 dream riffs that rip and roll through the album like the tides. But as anyone who has ever lived near the ocean will tell you, the sound of the waves are beautiful for a few days, but after that they just fade into the background. By the time you get the the album’s signature tracks “Velocity and Acceleration 1-4” you’ve probably forgotten you were still listening to the album. The songs that are supposed to be the crowning jewel of this album brings nothing but the same dream sequence sounds that the album started with and by now you’re over it. They change it up here and there adding hasher Black Metal drum beats, and some echo effects but its too little too late to save Abnormal Thought Patterns from fading into the background like the waves. |
|
Last Updated ( Tuesday, 27 March 2012 03:31 )
|
|
|
Written by Sameerah
|
|
Thursday, 22 March 2012 05:16 |
|
Saltillo Monocyte Artoffact 5.0
I have decided that if the world is going to come to an end at the end of the year Saltillo’s “Monocyte” is the album that I want to score my final days. In my mind the final days of men will be a cross between a zombie apocalypse, nuclear holocaust and a Jimmy Swaggart convention with a bunch of Bible thumpers praying for a rapture that will never come. All the while zombies will be pulling out their brains with ice cream scoops. It’s in the last days of life when I am covered in the sickening red and brown ooze of zombie bits and Bible banger pieces that Satillo’s dark, ethereal sounds will be a much needed battle soundtrack and will give me a small measure of comfort if the undead swarm to feast upon my flesh.
There are so many things that turn me on about “Monocyte” it’s insane. First off, it feeds every part of my nerdy being to the point of bursting. “Monocyte” the album is the soundtrack to a comic of the same name. A fact that sent my inner comic nerd into a tailspin. I was compelled to run to Golden Apple Comics after work to pick up every issue of “Monocyte” they had then read the series while listening to the album. That’s when the music nerd kicked in and I started queuing specific songs to play at different panels of the story to enhance the mood. And I have to say that doing so has had me in a constant stage of nerd bliss for a little over a month now. Saltillo did a wonderful job creating an album that added the right amount of drama and emotion to the story. Listening to “Remember Me?” while reading a battle scene animates the sequence. Lifting the art from the page and transporting you to the battlefield. When someone was being chased down I put on “Simple Test” so I could feel like I was on a twisted ride-a-long hell bent on destruction.
Musically it doesn’t get too much better than Saltillo. When you’re listening to “Monocyte” you can’t tell where the electronic portions or the album begin and the organic pieces end. He is that fucking good. At the beginning of the album “Praise” and “002#FM” wrap you in a blanket that is bleak and melancholy with tinges of hope playing around the edges of the songs. No matter how grim things are these are the kinds of songs that make you certain there is some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. The vox on “Giving In” feel like the sonic love Bjork and Dolores O’Riordan, giving an air of sweetness and life to a song about standing your ground when the shit is about to hit the fan. I’ve had this album on a fairly constant loop and every time I hear that song I get chills.
Honestly I can’t say enough good things about “Monocyte”, Satillo is everything that is good about music; it’s heavy, brooding, emotional and above all fun to listen to. If you’re into comics I highly suggest you pick up the first few issues of “Monocyte” and enhance your reading experience with this album you will not be sorry. If you’re not into comics, don’t worry. As an album “Monocyte” has more than enough awesome for you. |
|
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 30 November -1 01:00 )
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Page 2 of 50 |