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Simon Says « Ectomag

Simon Says

I was having a chat with Waterlaso’s singer/ songwriter Michael C where he declared Crispin Glover to be the most evil man in film. His comment caused me to think a bit. I mean Mr. Glover may be the strangest man in film, hell maybe even the meanest. But surely not the most evil. I felt that such a dubious title should go to someone time TomSelleck, Tom Skerritt or Burt Reynolds. Someone whose massive mustache makes you feel uncomfortable. Because you know when its host goes to sleep it slips away and eats the souls of children. But after watching Glover in Simon Says, I am rethinking my position on his most evil status.
About 30 minutes into the film I started to think that the studio should have renamed this film 1001 ways a hillbilly can murder you with a pick axe. In Simon Says you get pick axe cannons, pick axe encrusted rolling logs and not to mention all of the times a person is swinging, throwing or being impaled on a rusty piece of mining equipment. There are so many of the things in this film that they lose their fear factor and become a running gag. But its that gag coupled with Glover hamming it up in a duel roles as the films psycho that make this interesting. Take them away and this is just another film about pretty kids being killed in the woods. 
Yet its not the string of axe murders that make me reconsider Glover’s evil. No, the scene in which he proceeds to stomp a puppy to death that does that! Granted,  its a fake puppy ( well at least I hope it was a fake puppy ) but still  what kind of evil bastard stomps on a puppy?! Someone whose very soul is scarred by evil that’s who. As if the puppy stomping wasn’t bad enough he lights a guy on fire with a joint! And its just plain wrong to waste pot like that. Watching it I found myself screaming at the TV “C’mon man you just killed a puppy! why must you ruin the weed too?”
With Simon Says you have another brilliant, albeit evil, actor doing yet another campy horror film to pay the bills. And while Simon Says isn’t all bad, it isn’t exactly good either.


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